Deep in the middle of the night I struggled to wake my father. I cried “I love you.. I love you!” but his paralyzed lips refused to respond. Then I woke up.
At the height of this frightening nightmare, I cried to God: “Why do people die? Why do awful things happen to people?” God came to me in infinite gentleness. In a moment of quietness, God, gave me the confidence that all things that happen in life happen because of God’s purpose. God has a plan and I’m a real and vital part of that plan. There are times when I don’t really know the reason things happen. Yet, like a complex tapestry, God is weaving colours and textures into the picture.
I wept as I prayed for God to take my life and use it.
That morning, in the darkness of my room, I met Jesus in a real way, a way that began to change me. I am not naïve enough to believe that living in the shadow of God’s wings protects me from the struggles of life – but I know that through those struggles God is with me.
As I watched my mother live through the pain of cancer and face the terror of death – I searched the Bible (i.e. God’s Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) and prayed that God would show me His purpose. My mother lived through the terror of war and the scars of broken relationships. Each scar built another layer of resistance in her life.
I prayed each day for eight years for God’s peace. Miraculously and faithfully, God not only transformed my mother when she met Him in love, but God changed me as well.
My mom was able to celebrate with me on my wedding day, 3 weeks after we found out she had cancer and 6 months to left to live.
I learnt through her that God is with me in the joy and through the sorrow. As a wife I know the steady growth of a relationship. Marriage is a wonderful road – with potholes, mountains, valleys and riversides! As we planned for a child, I struggled with God’s timing. As always, He knew best. Now as a mother, I experience the incredible passion and love of a child. My own reaction to tension and trouble is worry – yet God is teaching me to rest in His goodness. I am learning that God is ever-present and ever-faithful.